Good evening, friends!
It’s quite a dreary evening where I am. How about you? There has been a cold rain falling most of the day and I was so happy to finally get home to my warm house, my loving husband, and my precious cats. Tonight, we chose to “wing it” for dinner and both settled for a bowl of cereal. Though I love to cook, I also enjoy nights when I don’t have to. And coming home, I knew that I wanted to write tonight and add a second entry. However, I have struggled with just where to begin and just what I wanted to say as I continue this narrative of my life. I’m beginning to realize that describing things in your story like emotional abuse may not be so easy. Sure, as I start to share what I’ve gone through, hopefully the picture will form. But a straight-forward Webster’s Dictionary definition seems nearly impossible.
Today to help me with this task, I googled “how to describe emotional abuse” and it’s amazing but almost frustrating the number of varied options that I found. Some said it is as simple as “repeatedly trying to make another person feel bad about or doubt themselves”. There was then the more serious sounding “manipulation that seeks to control another’s emotions”. Actually, both are very true and match what I know to be true of this most often hidden form of assault. In addition, there are examples you can find listed which include the silent treatment, gaslighting, the blame game, lack of empathy, invalidation, and the list goes on. I also personally know these examples and have experienced many of them. As I continued to seek help with this quest, I found this anonymous quote which said, “Trying to explain the hell you lived through as a victim of narcissistic abuse is like trying to explain colors to a blind man.” And oh, how true that is! And I suppose another quote that could apply would be trying to expound on emotional abuse is like trying to “smell the color 9”, which leaves so much to confusion. As for my own personal description I’ve often said living in this cycle of harm is like constantly juggling all the balls or walking on eggshells, knowing there will be consequences if anything breaks. Or maybe like being a needy, whimpering puppy being kicked aside and discarded. Truthfully, and also sadly, it might quite actually be like being all three at once.
Yet when it comes down to it, by far the explanation that most hits the mark is that found in the Word of God in Ephesians chapter six and verse eleven. Truly, who else would know the truth more than our God, right? The Bible speaks in Ephesians 6 of the devil, our ultimate enemy, being a schemer, having wiles, strategies and tactics meant to deeply deceive and lead us astray from the Word of God. And that is just what the narcissist or abuser sets out to do. The Bible, God’s infallible Word, says that you, my friend, are fearfully and wonderfully made. It is there you are told of a God in Heaven who loves you so much and desires a relationship with you so much that He sent His one and only son to die a horrible death to captivate your heart and gain that relationship. However, the abuser seeks to undermine God’s truth and make you see yourself as less than. Why? Who really fully knows? But it is definitely to gain control and shrink their own expectations and somehow make themselves feel bigger. How? In all kinds of ways! I will continue to share many of those with you as I continue to tell my truth.
So, if today you are in a relationship with someone that is filled with confusion, and you can’t figure out what’s going on – something’s wrong but you don’t know what. Maybe you’ve changed everything you know to change, and nothing has worked or is ever enough. Hang with me! Because I’ve walked in your shoes! And I know where you are! One of my goals with this blog is to expose those things that are being done in the dark. To bring clarity to confusion. Hope to despair. I humbly accept the challenge of Almighty God to help you put a name with a face, a definition with a term. I hope you will stay here with me. I will be back with more soon. Together we can gain victory, begin the healing, and find rest for our weary souls. (Matthew 11:28-30)
Until next time,
Blessings,
Lisa