Can I Back Up for Just a Second? Part IV
Well, Good Evening! How is everyone? Were you lucky enough like me to get a snow day today? We don’t get those too often in North Alabama so we enjoy them when we can. I’m good with them as long as I can enjoy from afar. I love to watch the beautiful snowfall and be tucked inside all warm and toasty. But I am much too old to play or be expected to get out in the frigid cold! And I am certainly not going to drive on icy or snowy roads so don’t even ask. So, thankfully today all I had to do was stay home and do what I pleased, which included housework, cooking a pot of chili and watching college football, which is sadly coming to a close for another season. And now most importantly catching up with all of you and offering my next installment of this blog.
If you’ve joined me tonight or at any time, welcome! I hope you had a spectacular holiday season and are looking forward to a marvelous new year. Mine has certainly started out busily, which I suppose is the excuse I’ll offer for the time between posts. I know I still want to share with you my vision and my word for the new year so tonight I will hopefully wrap up my salvation story. And you may be wondering about the picture. That is me during the time I will share about tonight. I will explain more in just a bit.
As I ended last time, I referred to my incessant need to be accepted and have others’ approval. It became like a drug, and I honestly think it became my quest above my pursuit to understand my salvation. Salvation was what was “expected” of me and so in trying to do what was “right” it was what I chose. Had I not been raised in or so closely associated with the church, who’s to say what life or decision I would have sought. Therefore, on a side note, thank God for the church! With all its flaws, hypocrites, failures, fractures, legalism, and liberalism, it is still the instrument God used in my life to show me salvation. Without which I would have never known of abundant life, freedom from sin and worldly expectations, the truth of God’s Word which has always served as a guiding bright light in the darkest of times, or even the release from the abuse that held me for many years.
And now that is where this picture comes in. Facebook timelines can be such a double-edged sword. I came across this picture again the other day as I was looking at memories on social media. The first thing I think of when I see it is how I look. I always tried to be fashionable and up with the trends. Truthfully, I’m 51 and still try to do that. But certainly at 18, my age here, I did. And looking at this photo, I’m not too terribly disappointed. I mean there is the long flowing permed locks held up with a hot pink barrette that certainly matches my ensemble. The ensemble being a knit painted matching set that I wore often and proudly. Though you can’t see them, I wore this set with a pair of hot pink ballerina slippers and if you look at my wrist you can barely see my purple swatch watch. Oh, and not to forget there are those large hot pink earrings. I’m still an earring fanatic today also! And then there is that awkward smile I often hid behind. I used it to try and tell the world that I was ok. But as I stare at this picture more than with just a glance, I see so much more.
Behind that smile and those attempted stylish clothes, the insecurity is raging. And the funny thing is I was sitting in this spot because I was the one asked to give the evening devotions each night (as this is a picture from one of the youth camps I attended). Godly adult women had asked me, a recent high school graduate to lead in that way. And still the striving continued and though Jesus had claimed me as His own and saved me, I still felt worthless. And the next step I took in life I was sure would be my validation.
Forgive me as I was hoping to wrap this all up with Part IV, but I feel in order to say what I feel needs to be said, I will need a Part V. I promise to not keep you waiting as long this time. We’ll talk soon.
Blessings,
Lisa