Good morning! It is quite a cold morning here in North Alabama. I think the last I saw it is 21 degrees. I have never been built for winter, and the older I get the more that is true. I hate having to dress in layers, which I honestly rarely do, I hate wearing shoes and socks, I do not like coats or jackets and the chill in the air makes me just want to be so unproductive. Just leave me alone on the couch under the blanket watching TV and somehow, I will survive winter. I certainly will not thrive. I also realized many years ago that winter brings some seasonal depression and as days seem to get shorter, the dark skies leave me longing for the extended, sunny days of summer. How are you with winter?
Well, after my post on Saturday night, I had originally planned on coming right back the very next evening to finish up my story of salvation. Those plans had to change though when I spent most of Sunday in bed with one of the strangest pains I have ever experienced. Suffice it to say, it was a true pain in the neck. It worried me somewhat because the pain was at the base of my skull and radiated throughout my whole head leading to severe headaches as well. Thankfully, my husband and I discovered that we had some muscle relaxers and that made all the difference. To God be the glory that I now feel so much better!
Now on with the reason why you’re here. It is surely not to hear me ramble about the weather and my aches and pains. Today, I will wrap up this portion of my life where lots of life changes and life lessons occurred and I was finally able to begin a true relationship with Jesus. Though this has taken me a few days, it is the most important aspect of my story that I needed to share in order for you to know that it is the foundation for everything we will talk about going forward. Without knowing Jesus I would know nothing else! I couldn’t have learned anything else-about myself or about Jeus, without experiencing His grace, I could never been able to offer it to you now, I would have never survived the things that He has required me to walk through and I would have definitely not had any way to be rescued from the horror of abuse that I have suffered. Even though it has taken a few moments, my revelation of salvation had to be the foundation.
If you remember the picture of that eighteen-year-old kid from our last time together, you will remember her sheepish look coupled with hard attempts at fashion. You will remember how I talked about how unsure and insecure she was. I told you I would take another step seeking to attain the knowledge of Jesus or whatever it was I needed to feel special or necessary or accepted. Eight very short months after that messed up girl sat at a youth camp, there was then this picture.
As I stood there on this day, still eighteen years of age, I thought this was it. And maybe for a split second on this day, April 4, 1992, I thought I had won the jackpot. That thing that I needed, that puzzle piece I had searched for was, I thought, was now in place. That piece had become different than just being recognized or lauded by those in the church, those outside the church, by friends and family. None of that mattered on this day because I had replaced that all with my new dream, which had become to be loved, liked, recognized by a boy, a male, a man. And definitely a man of God. As I stood with this man on that stage that day, I continued to try to make sure it was all working, and I still looked like the “good girl”. I had to still make sure no one saw any weakness in my armor, no vulnerable spot or loose thread in my wedding gown. But I felt it all that day. I felt sorta’ pretty. But I surely did not feel beautiful, nowhere close to worthy. My nails and hair had been fixed by a dear friend but then I got dressed on my own in the church bathroom. I did my own make-up and had really very little pomp and circumstance surrounding the day. However, I still tried to stay true to the script. And as I said, “I do”, I had what I longed and hoped for — my VALIDATION. My mark of approval had finally come. And it was not because of Jesus or Calvary or the salvation He had provided. It was because of the temporary act of approval and supposed love of an earthly man, who knew nothing about how to truly love a woman. But I gave him my heart that day and, little did I know, the power to stomp all over it. I am not sure if he knew of such power that day but somewhere down the line and through the years, he easily claimed it. And I, holding on to a desperate attempt to be “somebody”, just let him have it. I became, for lack of a better term, his willing, blind, ignorant, charmed victim. Truly having no clue what I had just done.
A year or so later I was pregnant with our first child and once again I was being tortured by terrifying thoughts of doubt about my salvation. How could I possibly know for sure that I would miss hell and land safely in heaven should something happen to me? How could anyone know that? And who could look at me and say yay or nay? I needed someone more tangible than Jesus at that moment. At least that’s what I thought. Finally, after seeking answers from several people, I knew it was time to just go talk to my pastor, His words of guidance were gentle and not judgmental. He just encouraged me to talk to Jesus about it and in the end if I was still unsure it would not hurt anyone or anything if I prayed to nail down and settle this decision once and for all if it was truly what I wanted. I somehow knew in that moment that I could not live without Jesus. I bowed my head, confessed my sin and unbelief and then even asked God to grant me the gift of everlasting peace and assurance. That if a time of doubt ever came again that He would bring me back to this moment and I would know that my salvation had been sealed forever. Though it took many years I now know that salvation is a relationship that I get to build with Jesus, my Saviour, every single day! What an astounding gift of love, mercy, and grace! Walking with Jesus is the sweetest journey I’ve ever taken!
And that’s it-that’s my salvation story. Now please know salvation does not take 10 years to attain. All you must do is take needed steps to confess your sin and ask Jesus to take over as the boss of your life. Once you do that then you can begin your own marvelously rich relationship with Jesus. And I promise you on the authority of my 51 years that there is not ever one time that He is going to let you down or not have your very best outcome in mind. If you have never taken this step, please contact me through my contact page. It would be my great joy and honor to talk with you more!
Now as the saga of that girl standing at the altar continues, we will dive into more of that next time. The floodgates are starting to open so if you pray, please lift me with all these emotions up to the Father. Some of this is hard stuff. Exposing the lies of the enemy usually makes him pretty mad. But I know I’m here with purpose. If you’re suffering today, I proclaim in Jesus’ name that there is a way out. Only Jesus.
Until next time,
Blessings,
Lisa